Ifs, ands, buts between him and her
Sunoo’s couple managers talk about stories and romance between men and women
The woman with a house and the man without a house
We are living in the world where we cannot get married, not because we cannot find our partners, but because we do have enough money. One of the most severe problems is the increasing housing prices that take 70% of the marriage cost.
In Korea, men usually prepare a house/room for marriage. Even if bride and groom prepare their new home together, Korean custom makes men spend much more money on the housing problem. Therefore, the rising house prices is a complicated issue for men and grooms’ parents.
A female member posted her concern on the board. She, who is in her early 30’, is dating a college friend. Her boyfriend, who is three years older than her, got his Ph.D. in one of the best universities in the States and just started to teach in Korea as an adjunct professor. He is well regarded in academia and is anticipated to be a faculty member soon. But he does not have any economic foundation, which makes her hesitate to say “yes” to him.
“Should I wait for my future husband to prepare a house?”: this is her question.
“Maybe buying a house is not realistic, but still, men should be able to get a long-term lease.”
“Unavailability to afford a house means that he is not ready to get married? If you love him, it is just OK for you to start from a small room!”
“Maybe you should lay your hope on his future, rather than his reality. If you two work hard together, you will be able to buy your own house.”
Members offered different ideas and solutions. Some people said, “husband and wife should work together for housing” or “do not be discouraged and get married even if you two would start from a small room.” But still, we could see that many of the female members could not get rid of the conventional image: men must afford a house/room.
There is, of course, a good counterexample. A woman, who is in her late 30’, works in a public enterprise and owns two houses. Even if she has the socio-economic background (and even if she dated more than hundred times), but she is still single.
She dated those men with a conventional belief that “men must have better background and condition than women.” But during the fifteen years of her successful working professional career, she could not find a man who had better condition than her, while she had been enjoying her high salary, high rank, and two houses.
We matched a man working in a large company. At that time, he did not own house. We asked her,
“We want to match you with a decent man. But he did not have any economic background. He does not own house and has a lease. If you don’t mind this, we want to introduce this gentleman to you.”
“Why do you want to match this member with me?”
“Firstly, he has a good character. He is a very competent man and promoted fast. He had a particular reason that he could not save a lot of money. But he solved the problem and had been saving money for the last couple of years.”
The female member was silent as if she has never thought about this case.
“Do you believe men must afford a house? Is lease not enough for a newly-wed couple?”
“No, I don’t but…”
“Usually, one house is just enough for husband and wife. But luckily, you already have two houses.”
Do you still need to marry a man who owns a house?
She changed her mind as she talked to us. She received the match we arranged. She made a relationship with the gentleman we matched, who was masculine, thoughtful, and competent. The two are waiting for their marriage soon.
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One more thing! Does he have a house or not? Does he have a lot of money or not? Why don’t you lay down these superficial questions for a second and try to find someone who has something you do not possess? People all have different qualities and need different things. The relationship in which man and woman fill each other’s gap is a genuinely good relationship. |
