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수백만불 건물 상속자가 직업이 없다고 퇴짜맞은 사연

미국에서 많은 상담을 하면서 
같은 한국계라도 미국과 한국에 사는 젊은 세대는
결혼에  대한 생각에서 차이가 있다는 것을 느낀다.

특히, 여성들에게 좋은 배우자로 인식되는 남성의 요건을 보면 
그 차이를 알 수 있다.

미국 중부 지역에서 사는 부모님이 아들의 중매를 의뢰했다.

그 아버님은 한국에서 최고 학부를 졸업했고, 
자기분야의 전문가로 인정받고, 
그 지역에서 명성과 재력을 쌓은 분이다.

자녀가 1남1녀인데,
딸은 외국계와 결혼했고, 
아들만이라도 한국계와 결혼시키고 싶어서 
아주 적극적으로 아들 중매를 요청했다. 

성공한 부모님에 비해 아들은 평균적인 남성이었다.

평범한 대학을 나온 후에
아버지가 물려준 꽤 큰 건물을 관리하고 있는데, 
키가 훤칠하고, 성격도 원만한 편이다.

이 정도 남성이면
한국에서 여성들에게 90점 이상 받을 수 있는 킹카라고 본다.

한국의 경우, 
평생직장의 개념이 사라지면서 
안정된 자산을 가진 남성이 1등 신랑감으로 꼽힌다.
“가난한 판검사보다 돈 있는 월급쟁이가 낫다”는 인식이 늘고 있다.
 
이런 현상은
한국 여성들이 돈에 집착해서가 아니다.

요즘 결혼하는 연령대 남녀들은
어릴적에 외환위기를 겪었고,
이후 장기간 경제가 침체되는 상황에서 취업난까지 겪고 있어서
지극히 현실적이 될 수밖에 없기 때문이다.

그래서 한국에서라면
그  아들은 많은 만남의 기회를 가질 수 있다는 것이다. 

아들에게 내가 판단하기에 90점 이상 되는 여성을  소개했다.

상대 여성은 미국 동부에 거주하는데,
연봉이 10만불이 넘는 전문직 종사자이다. 

여성의 어머니는 

“부모님이 좋으시고, 이런 가정환경에서 자랐으니 좋은 청년일 것 같네요."

라며 만족해했다. 
 
하지만 딸의 반응은 정반대였다.
한사코 남성을 만나지 않겠다고 했다면서 어머니는 꽤나 미안해했다.

그 이유를 물었더니
남성이 직업이 없기 때문이라는 것이다.

번째로 찾은 여성은
대학 졸업 후 광고회사에 근무하고 있는데, 
재능과 미모를 갖춘 매력적인 사람이다.

아버지에게 먼저 남성에 대해 설명하였더니 
딸과 의논해보겠다고 했다.

얼마 후  전화를 건 아버지는 

“좋은 청년 같은데, 딸은 생각이 다른 것 같습니다.”

고 했다.

그 딸 역시 직업 없는 남성은 싫다는 것이다.
중요한 것은 본인의 능력이고, 
지금 갖고 있는 경제력은 본인이 노력해서 이룬 것이 아니라는 것이다. 

한국과는 많이 다른 미국 문화와 정서에 익숙하지 않은 나로서는 
많이 당황스러웠다.

그 이후로도
두 번의 소개가 여성쪽 거절로 이뤄지지 않았다.

그  과정에서 남성의 집을 방문했고,
인품 좋은 부모님과  성실하고 착한 아들을 만나 많은 얘기를 나누면서
좋은 사람이라는 확신을 갖게 되었다.

동부에 사는 어머니가 
의사인 딸의 결혼문의를 해서 
그 아들에 대해 얘기했더니 느낌이 좋다고 했다.

어머니를 통해 전해듣는 것보다는 
내가 직접 설명하는 게 좋을 것 같아서
비행기로 4시간 거리에 있는 딸을 만나러 갔다.

여성은 눈빛이 맑고 총명해 보이는  인상이었다. 
아들에 대해 잘못 말했다가는
직업없이 건물 관리나 하는 사람으로 생각할까봐
정말 조심스럽게, 그렇지만 확신을 갖고 얘기를 시작했다.

“그 분은 무엇이든 할 수 있는 선택의 기회가 많은 것입니다.
건물 관리가 임대료나 받는 단순 업무는 아니죠.
수백만불짜리 빌딩관리도 어엿한 전문 영역입니다.

부모님의 재력도 장점이 될 수 있죠.
안정적으로 살게 되면 본인들 하고 싶은 일에 몰두할 수 있으니까요.”

일단은
멀리서 온 내 정성이 통한 것 같고,
내 말을 진심으로 좋게 받아들인 것 같았다.
한번 만나보겠다고 답을 받고 돌아왔다.

얼마 후 서로 연락을 한 두 사람은
여성이 남성의 집을 방문하는 것으로 약속을 했다고 한다.
많은 시도와 기다림 끝에 성사된  만남이다.

A millionaire guy got rejected because he does not have a job

Through the years of marriage counseling in the States, I could feel that there are big differences in the philosophy of marriage between the young ethnic Koreans in the States and the young ones in Korea. It is evident when you think of the conditions of favored grooms among the prospective brides.

The parents living in the Midwest applied for the matchmaking service once. The father graduated from a renowned university in Korea, had a profession, and got reputation and wealth. The parents had one son and one daughter. The daughter had an international marriage.  The father was eager to have his son married a Korean. His son was, however, rather an average person compared to his father.

He graduated from a middle-level university and was doing quite a big building management enterprise. He was tall and had a good character.  I think that this kind of man is sure to get 90+ point among the prospective Korean brides. In Korea, a man with a stable realty income is the most wanted after the collapse of life time occupation concept. The trend that says rich salary worker is better than poor judge is increasing.  I think that such a phenomenon is not solely the result of Korean woman’s adherence to wealth.   

The men and women that enter the marriage market nowadays had experienced the hard times in the foreign currency crisis and the following economic depression. Getting a job in Korea had been so much difficult. These experiences made young Korean generation “money-wise” in certain ways. Therefore, if the son had been in Korea, I am sure that he would have many chances of getting the spouse.

I introduced a woman with 90+ points to the son. She was a professional with $100,000.- salary, and living in the East Coast. The mother of the woman was satisfied by saying that,” he is sure to be a good man because he was born and raised in such a good family environment.” The response from the daughter was, however, the opposite. The mother was sorry to me that her daughter insisted that she would not meet the prospective spouse.  When I asked why she was refusing, the mother told me that the reason was that the man had no profession.

The second woman I introduced to the man had talent and beauty.  She was working in an advertisement company with a degree from a university. The father of the prospective partner called me after a while, and said,” I think he is a good man but I think my daughter think in a different way.” The woman did not like a man without an occupation. The most important thing is the man’s capacity, and the financial capacity that the man has currently is not the crops from his works. I was confused a lot because I was not accustomed to the differences of culture and practice between those in the States and in Korea.

I tried to introduce two more times afterwards, but it was not successful due to the refusal of the prospective brides.
I visited the family, conversed with honorable parents and the good young man, and I was certain that this young man was really a good man. A certain woman in the East Coast requested a counsel about the marriage of her daughter whose profession is a medical doctor. I talked about this man, and the woman’s response was positive.

I flew 4 hours by airplane to meet her daughter and talked about this matter because I thought that direct converse would be better than the indirect one through her mother. The lady looked bright and smart. I began talking about the man very cautiously but with a firm belief because I was worried that the man might be regarded as a man without an occupation.

I said, "This man has choices of doing anything if he wants. Building management is more than simply collecting rents. It requires a mind of professionalism. His parents’ wealth is also a merit point. When you have a stable income, you can indulge in whatever you want."  It seemed that my 4 hour flight got worked, and that they believed sincerely what I had said.

I returned after getting their confirmation that they would meet the man. Both partners contacted after a while, and I heard that they promised that the lady would visit the man.

It was a meeting done after many attempts and long endurance.
 
Lee, Woongjin,  CEO, usa.couple.net

 
 
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